It’s hard to admit you grew up rich. I guess when you’re older and “a cool, poor writer”, it becomes a little easier because after all it wasn’t your choice to be rich and ultimately you chose to be a penniless writer, so you’re a hero. Right guys? Right? The silence engulfs you and your past stays zip locked in a baggy and shoved deep inside your used desk from Good Will under your manuscripts and poems.
The baggy contains the surprise party your parents and best friends threw you for your sweet 16 and the Tiffany’s key chain they gave you for the keys to your brand new silver Grand Jeep Cherokee. In the zip lock baggy are the photos of your family in the Bahamas and the Caribbean. As well as your $14,000 a year high school tuition, $45,000 a year college tuition and $10,000 publishing grad program- tuition prices that went unsaid, unmentioned and you only find out the costs when you google them 10 years later horrified and trembling that your brain is worth over a million dollars and you’re impossible steps behind everyone you admire.
Your plethora of manuscripts and art squish the zip lock baggy as if being a writer and artist can squish your dirty secret from your skin like dirty water from a sponge.
It’s your memories you have to hide. You can’t say “my dad is a boater and we have a yacht,” you have to explain everything- “oh my dad -he’s obsessed with boats but in every way not like the “rich person snooty way” - like he even is all into getting on his hands and knees and fiddling with the engine for hours and hours like a car mechanic. He’s so obsessed. He’s the type of guy you give all presents to with boats on them growing up”.
You have to make excuses and withhold information. Because to artists and those in the Occupy Wall Street Movement you were the 1%, which makes your childhood a mockery.
You know your lifestyle was lavish, but it’s not anymore. And to your surprise- now that you’re 31 and at the poverty level on SSDI with $12,000 in medical debt, the amazing part, is that - you can finally feel your soul.